Gentleness

They must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone. (Titus 3:2 NLT)

My scripture reading today was Titus 3:1-11. This verse stood out to me. I believe God is telling me, once again, to quit talking bad about people. I know He is calling me to a higher standard and this is where it must begin. He is also reminding me to be gentle. That has been a constant prayer of my life for so long. 1 Peter 3:4 has been my life prayer.

You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. (1 Peter 3:4 NLT)

I long for a gentle and quiet spirit. Why does it seem unreachable? When I am at home, it seems to be easier especially now that the kids are gone. When I have no stress, it seems easier. At school, it isn't easy. The stress is high.

I must begin with the first part of this verse. I must not slander anyone. I must look for the positive in everyone. I must remember that each person was made by God. I am sure that it grieves God's heart to hear me say bad things about His creations. To be gentle begins with not slandering anyone and not quarreling with anyone.

I can do it! With God's help!

Amnesia? Who gets that in real life?

I had quite a week. I went to exercise on Monday afternoon and during the workout, I starting having amnesia. Transient global amnesia induced by exercise. I thank The Lord that my friends were with me and took care of me. I have no memory of any of that. No memory of Monday. Just a few little glimpses of the day. My friend said I was having a very stressful day at work. I don't remember. This experience has shaken me. For one thing, my dad had Alzheimer's and so this has frightened me. Another thing is that I felt so old in the hospital. I will be 50 in a couple of months. I also had moments that made me think of my mother. For instance, when I was eating my meals, I remembered my mom doing and saying the same things that I was doing and saying. This has been very emotional for me.

But through it all, I know my sweet Heavenly Father was there with me. I had to have an MRI. I was so scared to go in the "tunnel". I prayed that God would help me do it without any Xanax! When I first got down there, the technician asked me what radio station I wanted to listen to on the headphones. I said KSWP (Christian music). It was already on the station! As I got on the table, I could hear God telling me not to open my eyes. I started to open them once and He quickly reminded me not to! My favorite song came on first. "How Great is Our God" by Chris Tomlin. This version was the one with the people singing it in different languages. Thinking back, isn't it awesome that even though part of it was in different languages that I don't know, I was still able to worship! How great is our God!!

I know that God allows things to happen in our lives. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good. The Message said it this way: " We can be sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good". I love that! If I trust Him, He will use it to help me to be more like Him. That is my desire. To be more like my sweet, precious Savior.

God is real. I have no doubt. :)

Divided Loyalty

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. (James 4:8 NLT)

I have been praying for help from God about things I have been struggling with. Waiting for answers. Waiting for a miraculous change. Hoping that the next morning that I will wake up and be the person I long to be. This morning as I was praying and seeking God, my precious Heavenly Father showed me the solution that I have been looking for. James 4:8 says that the answer to my prayer is an action that I have to take. I have to come closer to God. I have to wash my hands of sin. I have to purify my heart by staying in the Word and being obedient to him. If I want to wake up and be the person that I want to be, I have to take action. God will help me and give me the strength and power that I need but I have to do my part.

My heart is divided. It is divided between my desire for God and my desire for the things of the world.

Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name. (Psalm 86:11 NIV)

This is my prayer for this week. I want an undivided heart. So much. More than anything. God is faithful. I must remember that. I must rely on His faithfulness. When I do, my desires will change. God will truly be the one and only desire of my heart! An undivided heart!

Being real

Last night I went to see Chonda Pierce, the Christian comedian. I expected to go and laugh until my face hurt and my abs hurt. That did happen. However, it was more than that. After intermission, she told her life story. She was so real and so open about the things that had happened to her in her life. But then she talked about the things that were going on in her life right now. These things were not pretty things. They were real issues. Serious issues. Her life is far from the perfect happy life we think someone who is a Christian should have. She struggles with depression. Her husband struggles with alcoholism. She and her daughter have a strained relationship. Her mother passed away a few weeks ago. But her message was to live for Jesus. I struggle with things that I am not ready to share. I struggle with thoughts that are not godly. I struggle with habits that are not godly. I struggle with emotions that are not godly. I would be so embarrassed if anyone knew. But I know God knows and He loves me anyway and He will never leave me or forsake me. It is only by His grace and mercy that I am saved. :)

Uninspired

Today is one of of those days that I feel uninspired. I have had such a busy week that I haven't spent time in the Word. But as I think about my "busy" week, I can see where I had opportunities to spend time with Him and I didn't. I let my physical and mental exhaustion take over. If only I had remembered Matthew 11:28. Jesus is telling us that when we are weary, tired, and exhausted to come to Him. I did exactly the opposite. In those times that I feel so overwhelmed, I need to pray. I need to have a little Scripture snack! When I am at school I may not have time to read a long passage (a full meal) but I do have time for a little snack. I am going to commit to reading a little bit of Scripture every day this week while I eat lunch at school. One or two verses. I am going to really think about what God is saying to me through His Word. I can't wait to have lunch with Him! :)

Quiet time on the front porch

I have been waiting for a morning like this! I sat out on the porch and read my bible and had my coffee. I listened. I really listened. To the birds. To the dogs barking. To the leaves rustling in the trees because the squirrels were playing in them. I listened. I listened to God as He spoke gently to my heart through His Word. I thought I would read in the Psalms this morning and so I randomly opened my bible to Psalm 106. The first line of Psalm 106 is "Praise The Lord!". So I did!! I have so much to praise Him for!
"Who can list the glorious miracles of The Lord? Who can ever praise Him enough?" (vs. 2 NLT)
That is how I feel. He has done so many miracles in my life that I could never list them all. But as I was reading, I came to verse 7. My bible says "They soon forgot his many acts of kindness to them". This grieved my soul. Because I too, like the Israelites, sometimes forget his many acts of kindness toward me. Verse 8 begins with precious words. "Even so, He saved them--". When I read those words, I cannot explain the feeling that I have. Even so.
There are other verses in this psalm that tell how they (and I) forgot what great things he did for them. How he rescued them over and over. How they rebelled and disobeyed him. Then, there are those sweet words again....even so. "Even so, he pitied them in their distress and heard their cries". He remembered his covenant with them. He remained faithful even though they did not. He is always faithful even when I am not. That is such a blessed assurance. I make choices every day to disobey. I sometimes forget all the amazing things he has done for me. But those sweet words will be a reminder to me that my God is faithful. Even so...

Pursuing Him

Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love
will find life, righteousness, and honor. (Proverbs 21:21 NLT)

Reading this Scripture this morning really made me think about the word "pursue". Pursue means to go after, to seek, to follow as an example. I want to pursue Jesus. I want to go after Him. I want to seek Him daily. I want to follow Him as an example for my life. So far, I'm not doing so great. Last week I said I was going to get up 15 minutes earlier to read the Word. I did get up 15 minutes earlier. But satan did everything he could to distract me. The dogs...in and out the door. Facebook. Not knowing where to start reading. Not having a plan. Thoughts of work. I am not giving up though. I just need a plan. I not only need a plan for bible reading but I need a plan for prayer. I gotta get moving. I am getting so tired of treading water. You know what I mean? It seems like I am always in planning mode. I have to start moving. Start pursuing actively. I have to knock the walls down. The wall of my flesh. The wall of my emotions. I have to knock them down so I can get moving. Like the Scripture says, if I pursue righteousness, I will find life. Life in Jesus. Abundant life. I can't wait!!